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November 08, 2015


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Christy Cox

Beautiful. I wish this could be read by every Mormon and every person on this planet. Anyone, with an awareness of their own human need for connection and understanding, could/should relate to your powerful message, and in turn, create change at the core of how we relate to one another. Relationships.
We simply have the need to be seen, understood, and received.

Heather Mecham

Beautifully said. Thank you!


I love you and wish for you to come worship beside me everyday


Thank you for explaining to me what I feel in my own heart.

Daughter of God

Tears are rolling down my face as I have to face trauma brought to my family over this. It is true straight people can be abusive too but I can testify that ssa people can choose self desturuction and wish to birng down thier families with it. My ex husband plainly told me that he married me to use me, of course his parents are set on going to hell, ( as I quote his mom to the abuser, donn't tell the bisop you'll get ex-communitcted), that is not caring for that persons soul, so it's doesn't help them escape by him choosing better though it would relive them of some consequences, as they all support the abuse of the children we had togther that we wouldn;t of had if it wasn't for me. He plainely stated in counseling that he knows he is one a dowward spiral and he wont change. He watched porn of men on our computer unrestriceted that our kids could of found as they did schooling stuff on the comptuer. The ward we were in critized me for m=bringing my children to a relif socity meeting for some self care, that I really needed with all the abuse happening. When the priesthood generally reminded the men to support thier wives by babysitting so they can attend thier meetings, he was priked and came home to abuse me some more. Agencies got invovled and he met all the abuse catagories. The kids and I spent 6 moths at my familes and I found out he renewed the food stamps and was living off the funds for our family while my family supprted the kids and me. I shouldn't of went back. He said he could get away with anything in Arizona ans it seems so as the abusers have the kids. So, you can't tell me tha ssa lds people are worse off in this world, though truly his fmaily is going to have to pay eternally, unless they repent and change thier ways which I hope. I pray they are faking enough for the kids to get by but at the same time this would make it eaier for them to make it out like I left and meesed up the family over nothing. I hope they heal and it doesn't effect them but there was no trouble being away from him and his family, the spsirt was strong things were great but now they are suffering from n=being away form me. They don't care about what is really best, jsut wht serves them best, and deal with it. People choose for themselves, weither have have the best supprt most loving and supprtive spouse. I am not giong to prove read this its all I can do to revist it and it's ahrd to heal from since it is still going on. Truley God can heal all and I am grateful for Him through my Job trials. And for being a gret example to others, as I deal with it. I am glad to be with people who really care, my fmaily and ward family. I know God can heal us from our mistakes and from what other do that can cut us to the core. Happiness can still be ours. So for everyone on both sides of the issue let God heal you and remember, others are accountable for themselves, your realtionship with Heavenly Father is up to you and you alone. We can uplift each other but like Laman and Lamueal people can be dense, and you don't have to be abused by them.

Laura Skaggs Dulin

My heart hurt reading what you have been through Daughter of God. Clearly the pain of what you and your family have endured is very real and gut wrenching and that deserves all the love and care and restored safety around you too. It's also just as important that you are able to express your pain and heartache and Im glad you felt you could do some of that here. Such are deep wounds that do not go away easily. You are so right to make clear you and anyone else do not deserve to be abused or harmed by anyone. If you are ever interested in connecting with other women who have gone through some similar experiences, please let me know and I am happy to connect you with them for additional support and space to process what you've been through. Wishing you further strength, healing and peace, Laura

Jeff Drake

Beautifully said. However, I do have some questions about your statistics: where do they come from, and what do they mean? For example, Pew Research (and others) have found that Latter-day Saints who marry outside the Church are significantly more likely to divorce as those who marry in the temple. Which group do you consider to be peers of gay/SSA Saints?

Regardless, a great treatment. Thank you!

Beth Chu

Thank you so much for putting yourself out there, for sharing this inspired writing with all of us. Words can't express my gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Thank you for such a well written expression of what gay/ssa Mormons struggle with. As a father it helps me to better understand what my son faces. While I still don't have some of the answers I seek, it reaffirms what I already knew; that I love my son, I am proud of him. That I love the Savior and his church. That some day I will understand.

Laura Skaggs Dulin

Thanks Jeff -- you can check out the study I cited here http://www.theldsfamilyfellowship.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Phsychosocial-Correlates-of-Religious-Approaches.pdf .


wow what a great heartfelt article, as a sister of a gay brother i have seen the pain he has feelt through the years, and on top of it all he felt he needed to hide his lifestyle from his 8 brothers and sisters and extended family. Reciently after a suicide attempt by my brother we pulled together as a family and let him know that by avoiding us he wasnt hiding his lifestyle from us, we knew, he was just denying humself of the love and support of his family and denying us of the lessons of acceptance and unconditional love. Now that it isno longer a taboo subject between by siblings and my brother i feel a closeness as never before with my family and with our Heavenly Father who has been guiding us with his love and acceptance for all.


True. If we really believe the gospel and want to live it; no one should be isolated, regardless of standing in the church. Even if we disagree, that should not get in the way of compassion and love-- all of which necessitate truly listening and understanding.


I love what you wrote, it helps me remember that my job is to love others. I just want to point out that while I think that SSA and gender dysphoria are among the most severe testing trials a person could face. I truly believe that all of us are asked to sacrifice what feels like a fundamental part of ourselves on the alter of Christ. This isn't unique to those who fall into the LGBT categories. It just takes a different form for everyone. I feel this issue should help us all realize the need to love and support each other and bear one another's burdens as you said but I hope that when I reach out to my gay friends and my transgender nephew/niece with love and understanding that they will also realize that my struggles to bring myself into alignment with God's will are just as real as theirs are even if they aren't as visible.


I wonder if you are considering the many single, LDS members who would also like to be married but have not been able to find a worthy man or woman that they would like to spend their life/eternity with. According to you, they also should feel like someone who suffers from Lupus? I am one of these people. And it's true, I do struggle with loneliness often but I also have so much fullfillment in the things I do to serve in my ward and neighborhood. I can choose to be happy. I don't think it's far fetched that if I can be happy being celibate, then so can someone who is LGBT. If an LGBT person stays in the church, they would hopefully believe the scripture "men are that they might have Joy". Our job as celibate members of the church is to find that joy and not let being single define whether or not we are happy.

Let's not forget that everyone has their struggles and sufferings. There are many parents who would love to have children but cannot. They also suffer. I do agree that members of the wards and branches need to reach out their arms of friendship and love to LGBT members just as they would any other single member. The love I feel from members of my ward has added to the joy I have in life. I would hope that for anyone.

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